Invisible

According to Merriam-Webster, invisible means: a: incapable by nature of being seen b: inaccessible to view

I have established myself, in my life, as a strong and outspoken person. I am thought of as being somewhat abrasive and rough, even a little insensitive (or a lot, depends on who you ask).

There is another layer of who I am that is invisible to others. I am very sensitive, but not really so much about myself. I carry a lot of worry and anxiety around inside and I keep it hidden, so that those who depend on me to have it together get what they expect. The invisible part is the place inside where I put all of the things that concern me. Things like......

global warming, the HIV epidemic that seems to be sweeping the globe, the Military Commissions Act that was recently signed by Bush, the abuse that children suffer at the hands of adults, the fact that thousands of people die from hunger every day and I don't finish my food at dinner, the large disparity among the haves and the have nots in our world, the awesome and sometimes overwhelming task of raising children in a world where people seem to be losing value as people, the search for God and figuring out how to let Him in, the fear that I am not able to be a good wife to a man that really deserves it

And sometimes I can't sleep because this invisible part of me requires that I nourish it with more worry and concern. "What's wrong?" my husband will ask me. I can never find the words to explain, because there is just so much. And the conflict I feel over being so incredibly blessed in my own life while others suffer in ways I could never imagine, eats at me and takes root inside. Following that I often feel hope that the generation coming up can be the one to make changes. I feel hope that my children and their peers will be able to turn it all around, because I have to have that hope.