Thursday, March 03, 2005

Gymboree Cult

So yesterday I was shopping at the mall (aka 5th circle of hell) for a birthday gift for a friend. I stopped in a store called Gymboree. I discovered there is a cult of Gymboree shoppers. Women with huge strollers were there, picking out tons of outfits and putting them on hold, to come back the next day and buy them using "Gymbucks". I don't pretend to understand the economic structure or market value of the Gymbuck, but apparently it is something to take very seriously.

The woman in front of me in line was quit distraught when she could not find a skirt in the "Costa Rica" line that fit her wee little daughter. She whined to the clerk that she had already hired a photographer to take family photos at the beach next month, and they were all wearing something from this line. ALL OF THEM. Yes people, you can buy clothes for the whole fucking family, mom and dad too, at Gymboree. Sweet Jesus.

The I went on to the Gap, where I found a lot of clothes that begged, "Kick my ass please, my mama dresses me like this". Look at these clothes, and tell me, with a straight face, that you think they are adorable: Beat me up clothes for boys. I asked the clerk there for a certain size in a pair of pants and she said they didn't have anymore in back, but suggested these instead: Hideous toddler pants. When I laughed out loud, right after her suggestion, she looked at me like I was a lunatic. as if those pants were THE thing this spring.

Apparently I don't have any taste at all in fashion, nor do I measure up to the proper standard of a suburban mommy. I can't fathom why anyone would go to the mall more than once a month and I don't know all the names of the Boobahs, nor have we ever seen that show. And really....is this pertinent information for my children's well-being?

Can someone please confirm that those fucking pants are the scariest thing to be seen at the Gap in.....forever?

20 Comments:

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Dawn said...

I will confirm that those are the fugliest pants I have ever seen. If you put those pants on your boys, I will come to Georgia and kick your ass and take those boys home with me where they can wear proper clothing.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Ociferswife said...

They are indeed "kick my ass" pants.

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger cackmandu said...

Holy fuck! She actually suggested those? That is funny stuff. As far as the "beat me up clothes for boys" those are really bad. Do they think that parents are trying to make toddlers metrosexual?

I hate shopping for my son. We were at The Children Place or whatever its called and couldn;t find anything. The shirts all have something gay and commercial on them. The pants were a bit better but just barely met our standards.

Might I suggest Hot Topic? We picked my son up a kick ass Ramones T-shirt last year. Are you familiar with the movie they did called "Rock n Roll High School"? Well this shirt has a bunch of wee Ramones and says "Rock and Roll Pre-school". He is a hit wherever he goes with that shirt.

Or maybe I have just showed how trashy my family is. In any case Team Cackmandu rocks.

Gymboree is a cult too. Stay away! Far away!!

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Smoov said...

Yes Cack, she did in fact think those pants would just be precious for my twins.

Metrosexual...ha ha ha! I love that word!

I MUST have the Ramones shirt for my boys. I mourned when Joey died. Love them!

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Mel said...

I think my dad had a suit jacket made out of that material in the '70s.

 
At 5:09 PM, Blogger Brandie said...

I agree, the pants are ugly.
However, I would dress a boy in some of the other outfits that you said screamed "beat me up!"
I can't help it ... I guess I'm into that whole preppy look!
I hope we can still be friends now that you have learned this information about me! LOL! ;-)

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger Smoov said...

Well Brandie....I guess since you actually don't have boys, I can let this slide.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Debbie said...

I have to agree with Brandie. I thought a couple of the outfits were cute. My 4 year old nephew was wearing something similar to the argyle sweater outfit in his Christmas picture.

 
At 1:53 AM, Blogger Smoov said...

Ok, I might be able to let the argyle sweater slide, if and only if that hanus striped shirt was not under it! But the other ones, with the lame sport coats, oh hell no! Toddlers don't wear sport coats! Especially plaid ones!

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger cackmandu said...

I have to agree with Smoov here. Kids should not be wearing sports coats. Kids need Levis and sweatshirts to muck it up a bit. By kids I do mean girls too.

There is a time and place for the "preppy look" my son has a few items that make him look preppy. I much prefer that skater in training look. Vans shoes, some cool pants, and the above mentioned Ramones t-shirt. I wil have to see if I have a picture of him with his on. I will post it on mine if I do.

Have a good day ladies.

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Linette said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger Linette said...

The title of the collection "Prep Cool" says it all. I would rather take the chance and put my son in a dress than put him in anything even remotely resembling a sweater vest...

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger Ethan Wiggum said...

Not gonna lie, I have multiple pairs of shorts and pants in that basic style.

I take exception to cackmandu's characterization of the clothing as "metrosexual". In fact, they're the very opposite of metro. Metro refers to hipsters wearing frappuccino glasses and chuck taylors, whereas your plaids, argyles, and seersuckers are simply traditional preppy.

These are the clothes that kids in UWS, Georgetown, Annapolis, Buckhead, Mountain Brook, Montgomery Bell, and other such neighborhoods are being dressed in by their moms. They don't get their asses kicked because everyone else is wearing the same thing. Then, by the time they (we) get to high school and college, it seems perfectly normal to dress like that.

 
At 12:54 AM, Blogger Smoov said...

I would love to see pictures Lancelot!

 
At 1:03 AM, Blogger Ethan Wiggum said...

see... perfectly normal for grown men and boys alike.

http://www.brooksbrothers.com/IWCatProductPage.process?Merchant_Id=1&Section_Id=296&Product_Id=963468&Parent_Id=218

or, for that slightly more formal look:

http://www.brooksbrothers.com/IWCatProductPage.process?Merchant_Id=1&Section_Id=220&Product_Id=962464&Parent_Id=218

either way, classic and stylish.

 
At 7:10 AM, Blogger Smoov said...

Thanks for taking the time to link me to some pictures Lancelot. But honestly, those shorts make me want to vomit. I could do nothing but laugh if my husband wore those! Sorry =(

I am from Georgia too by the way...did you grow up in Buckhead?

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger Ethan Wiggum said...

yup, born and bred in the 'Head. Went to Westminster, the whole deal

 
At 11:44 PM, Blogger Smoov said...

We used to get some of our best drugs from some kids at Westminster!

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger cackmandu said...

I thought I would take a gander at this post again and see that it has been a popular one.

I am sorry Lancelot I would kick my own ass if I wore those! If it works for you, it's all good.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Ethan Wiggum said...

well, i would say that we're pretty much the best at everything, including most forms of misdemeanor, but i don't want to cast a cloud over the narco-trafficking skills of the lovett kids. they're *much* bettr with drugs than westminster ever dreamed of.

as for the pants/shorts; cack, take a trip to georgetown, annapolis, or towson one day over the summer and i guarantee you'll see more than your fair share of those. it's just a diffrent asethetic, in the same way that I would never wear something with a logo ("Abercrombie Football", "Armani X/C", etc.), cargo shorts/pants, or carpenter jeans in public. It's all about what you're used to.

 

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