Friday, December 21, 2007

Bad dream

Last night I dreamed that I was walking around the edge of an old quarry with the kids. We were going there to swim as the quarry was no longer in use and was filled with water. Tristan ran ahead of us along the edge and I was shouting to him, "Stop! Stop! Wait!" as I tried to hurry and catch up to him. He slipped and fell off he edge. The water was clear at the top and got murky the deeper it went. I watched for a moment as his little body disappeared down into the deep murky water. I jumped in right away, gasping to Hayden to keep Jonas safe. I swam and swam and couldn't find him, he was gone. In an instant, gone.

I woke up gasping in horror in the middle of the night. I went and put my ear to Tristan's chest to make sure his heart was beating. I've never been so happy to see them as I was this morning when they woke up. What a horrible, horrible feeling that was, and it was one of those dreams that felt entirely real. When I woke up I felt as if I had been terrified and not breathing, my chest ached and my heart was racing. As I write this now, my eyes are welling up with tears. I pray every day that I will never know that pain for real, to lose a child and have to continue living on without them. That my friends, is my worst nightmare.


At 10:20 PM, Blogger Kris-T said...

O.M.G that made my heart stop!! I've had similar dreams before and I spend days with "that something is wrong" feeling in the pit of my stomach. (((Stacy)))

At 12:30 AM, Blogger Steph said...

That gives me goosebumps. I hate those dreams that are SO real like that. it would be horrible to endure something like that. i bet this is your sub-conscious in action since you've been talking to new mothers recently about the challenges of the high emotions that come with having kids...


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