Thursday, June 30, 2005


I have not been inspired to write anything here lately. I think the slower pace that is my life now has also made my brain slow down as well. It takes me twice as long as it used to, to do anything. I often think about things worth writing about, but by the time I make it in here to the machine, my mind is a vast, open space.

I have been keeping occupied by attempting to fill the days of summer here. Days are monotonous and blend into one another. Oddly though, I have nearly become accustomed to it. I don't catch myself wishing I were somewhere else very much anymore. I suppose it was only a matter of time before I got used to the changes in my life. But now I feel I am less interesting and have less to say, almost as if my brain has gone into hibernation. I don't even want to read anything lately.

Ho hum.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Preying on the innocent

I was watching a news show tonight and they did a bit about this child molester recently arrested in California. They found notebooks in his house, filled with names of children and the acts he did to them. He had a numeric coding system for the things he did to them and he meticuously recorded it all. They say there were about 36,000 entries over the span of 30 years, and this is just the time he has been keeping the notes. The guy was in his 60s, so he has probably been at this for four decades. These entries represented occurances of child molestation, so it was not actually 36,000 different children, but 36,000 recorded acts. That averages out to 3 acts of child molestation PER FUCKING DAY over 30 years. Can you even imagine?

Are you totally covering your ears now and saying "lalalalala" to yourself?

Then they followed the story with a registered sex offender from the U.S. who went to Sri Lanka and ran an orphanage for the tsunami victims. This guy did not see what most of us saw in the aftermath of that tsunami. He saw an opportunity to prey on children who had no one to look out for them. I don't understand what it is about sex and how it pulls and pushes people to do such evil things. And I don't understand how these people get away with these things. This is the kind of stuff that makes me question God, if there is one and what the limits of his power are. I am totally familiar with the whole free will thing, I have often used it myself to justify the horrible things that happen, but come on.

What special punishment can you come up with for these two guys? And it can't be death, no matter how treacherous the method of death is, because death is just too good for them. There has to be long-term suffering involved.

Is it socially acceptable to lose your cool and kick someone’s ass at a 3 year old’s birthday party?

I took the twins to a pool party for one of the kids from their preschool class this morning. Everything was going well, I even got Jonas to jump off the steps to me. The kids all played, ate cake, ice cream, and all that jazz. Then they got out the piñata, not the kind you whack with a stick, but the kinder, gentler ones that you open by pulling little ribbons on the bottom (Guess someone sued the piñata industry when their kid got a concussion). So anyway, my boys were hanging around the edge of the swarm of kids around the piñata, and once the candy fell, all the kids went nuts. The big kids were pushing the little ones out of the way and everyone was grabbing candy as if their very lives depended on it. The twins just watched the chaos, with questioning looks, as if to say, “Hmm. My mom just gives us candy, no reason to get our ass kicked trying to grab it off the floor”. They each did pick up one piece of candy off the floor and were happy with that, and then they went back to the veggie tray and polished off all of the carrots.

When it came time to open gifts, all the kids sat on the floor in front of the birthday boy. Tristan noticed a little girl with the basket full of candy and walked over to check it out. He reached in a picked up a roll of Smarties, and out of nowhere, this girl’s mom gets in his face, grabs his hand, snatches the candy away and growls, “NO! That is HERS! Don’t you have one?” She scared the hell out of my son and he ran back over to me, crying. I said to the mom, “Hey, why don’t you bite his head off over some candy?” She says, “Well, he just took it from her”. I then said, “Yeah, well he is only 2 and at least he didn’t snatch it from her hands”.

What I wanted to say to her was, “Look bitch, you touch my kid again and I am going to have your ass on a stake. Looks to me like the little princess doesn’t need anymore candy anyway.”

All morning I had made my boys share their toy trains with these kids, this little girl included. They adore their trains and it is very hard for them to share those. This little girl also used their frog float in the pool, and it was no problem. And it isn’t like she asked, she just took it. No big deal, I chalked it up to a kid being excited to be at the pool and at a party. I am forever being diligent about my children sharing with others, sharing everything, even their prized possessions, because we have so much, it would be a sin not to share it. While I don’t have any problem directing other kids that may be out of their parents’ eye/ear range, I don’t grab other kids and snatch things from them, while shouting at them.

What is wrong with people? I am the classic selfish person, and I get pissed when other kids take advantage of my kids, but I don’t act like a child myself when trying to correct the situation.

So, that was the end of the party for us. I was so pissed off I knew I had to leave. If I had sat there one more moment, I would have lost all self-control and let out the demon that lives inside me. We left in the midst of gift-opening madness, and I didn’t even say goodbye to the hostess. So to all those mothers out there who might have the urge to grab a child that doesn’t belong to you and then shout at it, hear this: touch my kids and your head will be on a stake bitches, because I won’t hold back next time.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Baby needs a choo choo

My twins are completely and utterly obsessed with trains. To the extent that it has effected all of us. Today I took them to see "Polar Express" at the theater. They were absolutely mesmerized, and the added bonus was Santa and his sleigh. Things just don't get any better for you if you are a 2.5 yr old boy in love with trains. But then, on the way home, we passed the local train track crossing, and what do ya know, not one, but TWO trains were going by. They panicked as we passed by, freaking out and shouting, "NO GO HOME". I can't believe I obliged them and pulled over so they could watch the trains go by. Me, the hard-ass mother who doesn't take any shit from the wee ones. I am slipping.

Whenever the boys hear a baby cry or fuss, they immediately walk right over and offer their toy trains that they insist on carrying with them everywhere we go. They say to the baby, "Here go baby, play choo choo." And so far, 100% of the time, the baby will stop crying and just stare at them, and take the train. The twins will allow the baby to see the choo choo for a few brief moments then they gently take it back and say "Ok, my turn now." I swear to God, it brings tears to my eyes when they do this kind of stuff.

And then they turn right around, 3 minutes later, and hit each other with aformentioned choo choos.

What the fuck?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Where I have been

I have not been feeling the blogging thing lately. I have been feeling sort of bummed out. While my recent graduation with a Master degree gave me great pleasure, the transition from crazy busy, totally mentally stimulated woman to bored housewife has left me feeling distraught. I went from producing quality work, worthy of As to making three meals every day for three children, cleaning up after them, driving them here and there, and trying to entertain them day in and day out. Tristan had a cast on his leg up until Friday. I am hopeful that a lot of my funky feelings have been because we were so very limited in what we could do for entertainment because of the broken baby. I pray that the coming weeks will bring less rain (it has rained for days on end here) and happier dispositions.

On a side note, I have decided to get a certification in Geographic Information Systems. 5 classes, I will be done with them by the end of next summer. This will help me fill the time between now and when the twins begin PreK. I won't really be looking to work normal corporate hours until then anyway as I have decided they are too young to leave in the care of someone else all day, every day. And maybe I will still feel that way in a year, who knows. But in the mean time, I require a plan with goals.

So, certification program will fill my need for a goal and some mental work. I am still working for a professor at the college I just graduated from and will continue to do that through the fall semester. I have nixed the idea of teaching courses in the fall, I think that is a bit much. Instead I will just teach the boys to be as academically gifted as their big sister. And I am learning to meditate. With beads and chants and everything.