Saturday, March 26, 2005

Trailer Park discipline

Recently, in the last few days, I have been involved with a discussion about spanking and discipline. And this one person, who shall remain nameless, comes out with how she would "take a belt" to her 14 year old daughter. She says the child needs it because she talks back so much. It is yet unclear to me if this person has actually hit her teenager with a belt before, or if she just spews out empty threats to her. Either way, this reeks of trailer park discipline! You know they type, screaming at the kids from the front steps, mother to a passle of kids from different fathers, belt whoopins and everything.

People who hit their kids with belts, at the age of 14, are just fucking stupid, ignorant morons who do not deserve to be the parents of said child.

Now I may be biased because I am no longer a believer in spanking, I don't think it works to teach a lesson, other than I can hit you because I am the adult. I cringe when someone smacks their little one on the butt, but if I saw someone "take a belt" to a child, I would freaking lose my mind.

End of rant.

Friday, March 25, 2005

My own Easter Service

Someone I know thinks that her church (a Catholic one) should provide a "Members only Easter service" for those loyal church goers that go every Sunday. She is extremely irritated by the "two timers" that come to church only on Easter and Christmas and make her church going experience into an "ordeal" because she has to arrive an hour early just to get a seat.

Um, yeah. Doesn't that kind of attitude kind of go against the very basic principles of Christianity? Aren't churches suppose to be for everyone and aren't church members suppose to want people to come to their church? What the hell?

I am so glad I am not into the whole organized religion garbage. People like this person I mention above are the very ones that have turned me off to church and such. I will take my Easter service right at home in my pajamas,thank you very much.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The backpacking trip I missed

Some of my friends went backpacking this past weekend. My backpack got to go, but I did not. I had an insufferable amount of work to do for grad school and I had to be at work all weekend anyway. They were kind enough to send me some pictures, so I could at least share a little joy. So I am sharing them with you. They hiked in an area in north Georgia called the Cohutta Wilderness. The trail they did led them through 18 river crossings and up several miles of extremely rocky terrain. I am so jealous.

At the top of the falls

Diana, Sarah, Tara, and Stuart. See that back pack over to the right, leaning against the tree? That's my pack! A little part of me went along with them =)

Sarah all dried off

Diana and Peanut

Sarah taking a break

Stuart and Tara

Trail winds along the falls, all the way to the top

This IS the fucking trail!

The view looking out from the top of the falls

Monday, March 21, 2005

Tantrums and River Dancing

This weekend at work, I threw a tantrum. We started doing a validation study of a process called Synergraft and it just sucked. I will spare you the boring details, but suffice it to say that I am adding Synergraft processing to my list of "Hell on Earth for Smoov". So, I developed this major headache while I was working on this study, but the show had to go on, because all of it is time-sensitive. So there I was, scrubbed in, gowned, gloved, the works, and suffering from a fucking brain hemorrhage at the same time. Once it was over I rushed out of the clean room and into the area where our desks are. I threw all of the charts I had in my hand on my desk and because all the paperwork came flying out, I got pissed off and threw my safety goggles too. Then I stormed off to the cafeteria in search of hot coffee and heroin. Yes, I know, I was acting like a spoiled child, so what of it?

But luckily I had the memory of the previous day to make me laugh, once again. The day before one of my co-workers had promised to demonstrate the River Dance, which apparently she had been schooled in for 4 years in her youth. She said she would show just us, meaning the four of us on her shift. So we got all of our work done and waited for the day shift employees to get busy with their own work and disappear into the clean rooms. We lined up our chairs and watched with anticipation, because it ain't every day that you get your own River Dance performance. She kicked off her shoes and went to it, only after checking to see that no one else was watching. In the middle of her dance, as she turned to dance back the other way, she noticed that there were two guys from the day shift peering out of one of the clean room windows, watching. Of course those of us in the audience had already noticed them standing there, but we couldn't just interrupt the River Dance to tell her now could we? So...she turned to dance back and saw them, and out came the loudest, most horrified scream my ears have heard in years. She ran across the room and smashed her body flat against the wall, out of the view of the two guys. She turned 18,000 shades of red and said in a distressed voice, "I have to go home RIGHT NOW!" and off she ran. The four of us sat there laughing until our sides hurt. And I was kicking myself in the ass for not having my camera with me.

And now she is known as Dancing Queen or just River Dance =)

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Song Memory #1

White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane

Sitting in my room with my pseudo-sister, age 16. All the lights are off and candles are lit all over the room. Everyone else in my house is sleeping. We are listening to White Rabbit and partaking in mother nature's finest, aka marijuana. I have both windows in my room wide open so that the smoke mostly goes outside, but just in case it doesn't, we have a towel stuffed under the bedroom door and incense burning. Talking about our parents and how they have failed us so far, talking about boys and wondering why they are so clueless, talking about the apartment we are going to have as soon as we are old enough to sign a lease, talking about how we should have been born sisters, talking about all of the great adventures yet to come, talking about how lame school is and how we are able to maintain nearly straight As while only attending class 50% of the time.

Oh to be 16 again!

One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall
And if you go chasing rabbits and you know you're going to fall.
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call

Go ask Alice when she's just small.

When men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go...
And you've just have some kind of mushroom and your mind is moving low.

Go ask Alice I think she'll know
When logic and proportion have fallenly dead.
And the white knight is talking backwards and the red queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said

Feed your head

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Shout out to Sissy QQ

My friend, Sissy QQ, at SISSYFIT writes some great stuff but it seems she has become a lazy ass and never writes in her blog anymore. If you would be so kind as to visit her blog and leave her profanity-filled comments, urging her to write something for the love of God, I would be much obliged.

Are you listening Sissy QQ?

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Hell on Earth for Smoov

These places are Hell on Earth for me:

Wal Mart

The mall, any time of the year. During the holiday season the mall becomes the Fifth Circle of Hell for me.

Chuck E. Cheese - the only redeeming thing is they do serve beer, thank you Jesus

Management meetings at work

Showers, both baby and bridal, except for one of mine, and the one I threw for my best friend/pseudo sister.

Wedding preparation meetings that are required of the bridal party, such as fittings, looking at flowers, and scouting the locations. Gag.

Wal Mart

Saturday morning Database Design class, that follows my overnight shift of 10 hours.

Southern Baptist church services

Craft stores, the kinds of places that sell all that garbage for scrapbooking, knitting, and such. I don't even know what all that shit is and it makes me feel very retarded when I am in one of those places.

Disney World

Wal Mart

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Toothpicks holding the eyes open

God help me. The twins are sick. Not sniffly, runny nose sick, but toxic diapers and vomit sick. Yuck. This suuuuuuuuuucks. I had to go in to work late last night because they were crying and clinging to me, and what mommy can leave a crying, sick baby standing at the front door? And then I had to help out Mr. Smoov today with them instead of sleeping, so I have slept 3 hours out of the last 39 hours and I feel like ASS! I am so fucking tired, I think I might actually die from being exhausted. Does that happen? And here I am, at work until 6:30am again.

Someone please, kill me, now.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Gymboree Cult

So yesterday I was shopping at the mall (aka 5th circle of hell) for a birthday gift for a friend. I stopped in a store called Gymboree. I discovered there is a cult of Gymboree shoppers. Women with huge strollers were there, picking out tons of outfits and putting them on hold, to come back the next day and buy them using "Gymbucks". I don't pretend to understand the economic structure or market value of the Gymbuck, but apparently it is something to take very seriously.

The woman in front of me in line was quit distraught when she could not find a skirt in the "Costa Rica" line that fit her wee little daughter. She whined to the clerk that she had already hired a photographer to take family photos at the beach next month, and they were all wearing something from this line. ALL OF THEM. Yes people, you can buy clothes for the whole fucking family, mom and dad too, at Gymboree. Sweet Jesus.

The I went on to the Gap, where I found a lot of clothes that begged, "Kick my ass please, my mama dresses me like this". Look at these clothes, and tell me, with a straight face, that you think they are adorable: Beat me up clothes for boys. I asked the clerk there for a certain size in a pair of pants and she said they didn't have anymore in back, but suggested these instead: Hideous toddler pants. When I laughed out loud, right after her suggestion, she looked at me like I was a lunatic. as if those pants were THE thing this spring.

Apparently I don't have any taste at all in fashion, nor do I measure up to the proper standard of a suburban mommy. I can't fathom why anyone would go to the mall more than once a month and I don't know all the names of the Boobahs, nor have we ever seen that show. And this pertinent information for my children's well-being?

Can someone please confirm that those fucking pants are the scariest thing to be seen at the Gap in.....forever?